Hey Dummy! Look Over There!

Hey there! What's today's rag, you super fly hep cats? I hopes you crunkin' tight on the d-low and diggin' down the righteous lane in G'town, you salty little ziggerboos.

Yeah, okay, I have no idea what the fuck I just said up there. Seriously. I'm pretty sure I just called you a racist name. Whatever. You probably deserved it.

Anywhoodle. I got a question for you. Do you remember when this here innernets weblog wasn't a huge steaming pile of fucking terrible? Remember that? Awww yeaahhh, you remember, you crazy little midgets. When I used to, like, I dunno, toss some crap up on here on a fairly regular basis that was moderately amusing and you were all like, "HAHAHAHAHA, I <3 U FALWLESSS!!!!! U IS SO AWESOME!!! MARRY ME???" And then I was all like, "Awwwww, no thanks, Mathdude." And then you were all, "PLEEEEASE????" and I was all, "Nah. You're married! C'mon! Leave me alone." And then you were like, "Knock knock! Who's there? It's me, Mathdude, at your door!" and I was all like, "Wow, um, 911? Yes, I'd like to report a stalking." ??? Remember all that? Yeah. Good times. Good times indeed.

Okay, okay, seriously now. What I was trying to say is remember when this blog wasn't such a terrible daily disappointment? I do, too. And while I'd like to sit here and tell you that I hereby firmly resolve to bring this diary back from the abysmal depths of Shitsville, it does occur to me that lying is a dirty sin.

Haha, PSYCH! Jus kidding, jus kidding. Lying isn't a sin. I don't think. I'm pretty sure driving with an expired license is, but lying? A-Okay, do it all day. (Did you hear that rhyme? I got the time.)

(Okay so that last rhyme didn't make any sense. Please, someone, I beg of you, put this post out of its misery.)

Listen. Let's regroup. What I am trying to say here is that I started a good post last night and didn't finish it. It was one of those Craigslist posts. Remember those goodies? Where I sift through the desperate and deranged mire that is Craigslist personal ads in search of golden nuggets of pure shittiness? Hells yeah, bitches. We gots another on da waaaay-zaaay.

So, in preparation, I suggest you go back to parts uno, uno plus uno, and three and relive all the glory. There will be a quiz, and it's essay, not multiple choice/fill-in-the-blank. OKAY, OKAY, FINE, I'll do, like, maybe 5 multiple choice/fill-in-the-blank but the rest will be short answer and/or essay, okay? God. You're such a fucking whiner, I swear.