Apparently some sciencey shit's goin' down today on the Franco-Swiss border near Geneva, Switzerland. Yeah, something to do with particle acceleration and colliding beams of protons and some other junk. I figured I would enlighten you people on what is actually going on. Following is a list of things I know about the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), the largest and most powerful particle accelerator on Earth:
Yeah. You're welcome.
44 comments:
Falwless, you've got a good blog, but when it comes to Science, you don't know shit. Let me field this question. You see, when you got a proton and you want to split it..wait..there's an atom split but it's very small so when...uh..I gotta go.
I didn't know any of this was going on until science nerds and virgins were all, "Yay! We're still alive! Civilization is saved! We didn't die after all!"
I was going to ask what was going on but then I figured I'd rather be taken by surprise that have to sit through more learning
Well, now you know ONE thing - it didn't kill you while you slept.
You teach me life lessons..
I'm going to be really pissed off if those nerds get us all sucked into a black hole. I mean, I still have half of a chocolate pudding cake to eat in the fridge.
Since you're being so irresponsible, I'll do your job for you. Ladies and gents, I, BeckEye, am the winner of Fal's last caption contest. Thank you, thank you.
Finally, someone explains it to me in terms I can understand!
I'm blaming those dorks for the sore throat I woke up with.
Congrats, beckeye! I thought for sure I had this one.
Sorry BeckEye, you did not win. Jon did.
I don't even know if he did a caption, but he won.
I apologize. I was hoping you'd let it go and I wouldn't have to actually come out and say it.
Congratulations, Jon.
Jesus...seriously...what's so difficult about understanding the matter at hand (giggles at his own science pun)?
See, it's like this...think back to college. Think about a dorm party. You know how it is...the entire dorm, everyone together, crammed into one tiny room, bass is pounding, keg is flowing, everyone's having a good time, but you're packed asshole to asshole and can't move around except to wiggle a little bit to "dance".
That was the universe before the Big Bang.
Now imagine Campus Security just busted the keg. Everyone scatters, but everyone is drunk and horney, right? So, immediately after leaving the party, they're flying toward their own rooms, but they're trying to hook up. Some people couple. Some don't. Some couples couple up some more for a wild night of kinky sex, others gangbang a townie named Joyce.
It's this whole "coupling up" idea that the LHC was trying to simulate, except instead of drunken frat guys, we're thinking about the building blocks of matter.
You knew it existed, so you're one up on me.
In nerd power.
Yeah!
all i know is last night on the news i saw stephen hawking talking about the LHC. all i heard "blah, blah, blah,space-time continuum, blah blah"...and then my brain stoppped working.
thank you for breaking it down and explaining it!
Finally, a subject people understand and couldn't care less than math! Science nerds are so unhip.
Am I dyslectic, or did you just do a post about a large hard-on?
This is why I read you for my news and not The Times.
All you need to know is that the collider is going to create a small black hole that will end of eating our earth from the inside out.
It shoots rays? That's what I thought those dots were..am I off base here?
Mjenks - *clap clap*
That was profound
PS - nobody has commented about how much they want Ben this round of comments so I guess I'll take the bait here.
Dear Ben I want you I need you oh baby oh baby
Mjenks: So now I'm picturing a load of science nerds in lab coats having sex. Cheers for that.
Hehe. Aren't they worried it might end the world or something? That shit confuses me.
They actually were a little worried that they might recreate the "big bang" a little too well and blow the whole place up. Didn't slow them down, though. Oh, well, some folks thought the atom bomb test in New Mexico would create a second sun in the middle of the desert.
It's actually one of my biggest fear - that my Hadrons collide. I take great measures to ensure it never happens by always clothing my Hadron's in teflon suits and not allowing them to cross the street alone.
Another of my big fears is using apostrophes wrongly and missing 's' of the end of a word. I'm having a bad day.
I like MJenk's explanation. I read about this years ago, but thought we'd actually get a little more "heads up" before the big bang or black hole hit. What if I had bought green bananas??
C'mon, this Hadron Collider thing is old news. Dark Matter research is soooo early 90's.
It's all about the Space Elevator now:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_elevator
That thing bashes the shit out of a bunch of protons to help us understand how the earth was formed.
MAybe we should put George Bush and Co.in to see how the Republican Party ended up where it is
Mjenks I wish you'd been my Science teacher.
is this like Ghostbusters, when they couldn't let their proton pack "cross the streams", or some such nonsense....or the whole world would blow up? but in the end they just blew up a big marshmellow man?
This blog has become far too technical and academic for my taste. Good day to you, madam.
Whoa Alice, calm down. I was working up to it. Now you've forced me to come up with a line when I haven't had the proper time to prepare.
*ahem*
Uh, Ben, let's do it.
I watched a whole show on it and read a whole article on it, and I still know less than that.
In honor of the Hardon, I mean Hadron Collider, I am going to nickname my pecker, "The Protein Accelerator".
Science has failed me too many times. I vowed long ago to never use it again.
What the heck? I had a sweet post all written for today, about particle accelerators. You stole my thunder! I guess I will have to just do a caption contest now. (Jon will win mine, too.)
jeez, not only is your blog lots better than everybody's your comment(ators) are brill too.
great stuff.
Look, I'm just here for the riveting stories about your cat. I don't need any of this fancy book learning.
Wow you know all that huh?
yeah me too! All I know is it could cause a "black hole" Hell, I'll show you a f'n black hole!
They act like this is a big deal. I gots 2 of them things. I'm collidin Hydrons daily.
You should be a science teacher.
That totally blew my mind.
Alice - you are a bad influence.
Let's make out in Boston.
Chris - protein accelerator!!
Still laughing....
...must. stop. choking.
Ben - SCORE! I'm in
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