Guest blogger - My BFF Lisa!

You probably don't realize this unless you've actually met me in person or spoken with me, but I'm not really a cursing, caustic, pessimistic bitch in real life. At least not on Sundays, between 4pm and 6:30pm. No really, though, I play a cynical ne'er do well* here on the internet because you keep coming back for some reason and I'm nothing if not a whore for your love and attention. So, day after day I just keep spinning this carnival wheel of judgment and bitterness in my heart to give you nutjobs something to read.

To prove that I really am an affable, easygoing and generally fun-to-be-around person, I had a real life friend of mine lined up to do a guest post today. I've seen these guest posts on other blogs and I thought, hey, that's a pretty fucking genius way of being lazy. Dare I say brilliant! And if you know anything about me (which I'm pretty sure you don't because, after all, this is the internet and if there's one thing you should always do on the internet it's lie, lie, lie!), then you know I'm all about the being lazy and/or finding new and improved methods of laziness. This guest post thing had me written all over it.

So, I emailed my friend and told her to write something up about, well, me, duh. You know, why she likes me, what I'm actually like in real life, the benefits of being my friend and/or knowing me, why people are so drawn to me, you know, the usual jibber jabber.

Well, I received her reply last night before I went to bed. It wasn't really what I expected, but I'm going to play along--I'm pretty sure she's planning a real good post, she just needs some more time. She's such a joker, I swear. I know she's got something great up that sleeve of hers. So, if you're reading this, Lisa, girl, you so craaay-zy. Here's to your first post! Let me know when #2 is ready!

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From: lprentes77@gmail.com
Sent: Monday, April 28, 2008 11:41 PM
To: Falwless
Subject: Re: Hey girl! Wanna do a guest post on my blog?!

"Falwless",

WTF is that name about??? FALWLESS???? God you havent changed at all, have you???

I'm not sure how you got this email address. I told Dave and Kara and everyone not to give it to you, but here you are again. I dont know what I have to do to spell it out for you, I've told you time and time aghain.

LISTEN CAREFULLYL: WE. ARE. NOT. FRIENDS. CAN YOU READ????? DO YOU SEE WHAT THAT SAYS, BITCH????? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU OR SEE YOU OR GET EMAILS FROM YOU OR ANYTHING. IN FACT, I AM BLOCKING THIS EMAIL ADDRESS FROM EVER SENDING ME ANYTHING AGAIN.

GO. THE. HELL. AWAY. UNDERSTOOD??????

I've tried disconnecting my phone, moving to another state, changing my email address, getting a new job, EVERYTHING. YOU ARE THE FUCKING WEIRDEST PERSON I HAVE EVER MET, AND I WISH YOU WOULD STOP TELLING PEOPLE WE ARE FRIENDS. I DO NOT LIKE YOU, I NEVER HAVE, AND I. NEVER. WILL.

If you try contacting me again I swear to goda I will get tnhat order of protection. I still have the number for officer Haris, remember him???? Seriously, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. FOREVER. AND I MEAN IT.

Lisa

P.S> Please stop sending shit to my house. I dont want the half of your dumbass "best friends" necklace----WE ARE NOT FRIENDS, TOU ARE SERIOUSLY DELUSIONAL, PLEASE GET HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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She's so funny! Seriously, I love that girl. She cracks me up. Anyway, when I receive the real post I'll be sure to publish it right away.



* have no idea what the hell a ne'er do well is, but whatever, I'm pretty sure it's me